neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
