You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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