But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
