My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
