well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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