C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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