Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
