i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think my moral compass just broke
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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