No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
