It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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