My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
