I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
