Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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