I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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