Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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