im about as happy as oj after his trial
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
