Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
