Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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