i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
