someone threw a dead crab at me
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
