Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
