lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Dear god my vagina.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
