I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
