We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
