Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
