Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
