Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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