did you get engaged???
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The adults are the big ones right?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
