maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
