Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
