guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
