I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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