I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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