either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
