Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
