I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
