This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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