But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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