im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
