The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
