Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
