Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
