I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
