It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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