Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
