Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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