i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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