i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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