You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
