Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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