M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
