my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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