I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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