Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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