The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
