my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
