why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
