I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
